all i want for Christmas this year is a poem
of you

at ten
and grandma brushed your hair so hard you screamed
and were

scolded for being an adulterous then forced to pay the gas bill

through snow drifts you searched for a glimpse of grandpa only to find
general electrics spoiled milk and attic doors locked

quite Mary Anne told you mother is painting again

not a time for soft kisses
skin raised and hot
waiting for

finger nail trail on back
perfect teeth mold deep in shoulder
waiting for

command and lose of movement
wrist to ankle rope burn
waiting for

head shake apology
insincere
waiting for

no more i love you
hair pulls
waiting for

you to fight back
behind closed eyes
waiting for

me to receive
whine and weakness
waiting for

body to move to it
then away
waiting for


soft kisses

the minarets don't sing to me anymore

slink down sidewalks     unsure of language

ivory fangs covered in ash

gesturing to enter             stay awhile

crippled footsteps give me away 

paralyzed by the smile

i sit

 

MACHINE GEARS GRIND ORGASMIC PREOCCUPATION 

MAKES ME MAKE LOVE WITH EYES OPEN "SO EVERY EAR CAN HEAR"

And we rode

                    

                     sunbeams cutting

                                                   

                                                   panting mantras

mouths open to the ohm

 
SOUBRETTE

                          

                 for the things I am not

                 capable of

                  

                 attentive sentiment rewinds

                 easy departure door closes

                 last kisses inhaled 

                 tip-toe ballet creaky floorboard 

                  

                 

                  

                                                     

         

                   

                             

                                          

                                              

                                               Sometimes i stare

                                          into grainy backyards 

                                          sprinkler splatter and 

                                               sun warmed pavement

                                             

                                             

                                              Sometimes i stare

                                              into little girl smile

                                              innocents  triumph over 

                                              bare skin illuminations

                      

                                              Sometimes I stare 

                                           into paper heart promise

                                              circa 1992 look for

                                              long lost loss 

                                                

                                               Sometimes i stare

                                               into scent of good morning 

                                               waist long tickles and

                                               pressure point hello

                                                 

                                               

Wouldn't have noticed you there if it wasn't for the guardians

strewn at your feet covered in filth of industry and 

1o hour shift mentality

burned out gas station 

monument to your achievements

sarcophagus covered by child stroke graffiti 

I knew you once we wore white and talked about women

endless conversation through blanket lights out dice game

now drive-by visitation   3 a.m.

sulfur street  glow mood lighting

plastic wrap picture frame

Too tired to talk or care stare out black window cant see reflection 

      remember another state and time everything was simple

Lost and regained then discarded bonded to each others 

essence, black bottom utensils, ice water rush not the real thing

Everything a lie or just sensation               desperation

       Couldn't bring myself to ask                  answer would have broken me

Sin

Money 

Death tattooed over scar tissue      ink spread so deep became truth

Texas could have

 saved                    consumed            or                        surrendered  

One chewed up                              One  regurgitated            one left behind 

Wake up terrified  

rhythmic chant of bed springs audible

Focus on breathing

Heartbeat tries to escape from left ear

pillow won't let it leave

can't will eyes open 

if they stay shut you'll stay asleep 

this remains a 

dream

dreams aren't real

dreams die in daylight

dreams don't last 20 years

Knocked on back door so hard

                                         Rattled fetus

You couldn't feel it 

                                          Cellophane aspirations and concrete

Begged for a chance        all used up

Gas stove burning baby doll head

                                           slept with the carcass every night

Honor dark sides            keep your secrets

Mine hum and implode 

                                          claw         to           the       surface